Undeniably a Gender-Finder-Outer

So, I'm pregnant and I have my sonogram this week and find out the gender (God willing).  There are definitely people who have different opinions about whether they want to find out.  This was never even a question with us.  Absolutely.  If I could find out the gender the moment I find out I'm pregnant, I would love it.

The main reason people from my camp tend to give is that they are "planners" and want to be prepared for the baby - decorate the nursery in a particular theme, buy clothes, etc.  Ok, I definitely feel this way, but I have friends in the "surprise" camp that identify as planners and certainly like to plan in other areas of their lives, so there has to be more to it.

Ultimately, I totally understand that people have different reasons for one or the other and I fully respect everyone's personal choices (though for my close friends that don't find out, I feel they do it just to stress me out).

So why am I adamant about wanting to know?  Here are my thoughts. First, the planning thing, definitely, but it's also a bit of a control issue.  I don't think I'm a super controlling person (or I wouldn't have married my rowdy Okie husband... there's no controlling that guy), but, well, I do like to be in control of my own life and know what is going to happen and prepare for it. It's one of my faults, I know.

The other thing I've realized is that most parents-to-be seem to be "miracle" people - those who from the day they find out they're pregnant see that it is all a miracle and are grateful for each bout of morning sickness and look forward to an all natural child birth.  I am not one of those people.  Wish I was, know I should be, but I'm just not. The first time I was pregnant I was terrified.  I was terrified of what being pregnant would be like, what this whole birth thing would entail, and whether I was up to parenting an infant.  Even with an easy pregnancy, I was probably more scared than excited.  It was all just weird to me.  As a result, I think it was harder for me to connect with "it" than it is for all those "miracle" people out there.  I read the books and got the emails to help me know what to expect, but those were even worse.  Learning that my baby was now covered in fur and cheese or that its ears were starting to move to the side of its head (ew, where were they before?) didn't really help the whole bonding thing and reading about all the gross and horrible things that could happen (as though child birth didn't sound horrible enough) was even more terrifying. 

However, finding out that this baby they said I had inside of me was a boy created a whole different feeling.  Now this was my son.  We could give him a name.  I could start imagining what he would be like.  I could talk about "him." I could get his nursery ready and buy clothes for my little boy.  It made it much easier for me to bond with my unborn child and to get excited about the whole thing.  He went from being this weird parasitic thing inside of me that after months of discomfort should eventually be a baby, to becoming my son... now it wasn't "it", it was Beck, and well, we were pretty tight from that point on.

I still feel like pregnancy and child birth are more the curse of Eve than a miracle, but ultimately, I love the outcome, so I'll bear your curse Eve in order to bring another precious little thing into the world and into our family.  Oh, but I am so thankful that modern technology lets me know if its a son or a daughter so I can get the kick-start I need.  So, here's to hoping this baby shows the goods at our sono!